Hedgerytheking

I meant to tell you a lot last night. Well alright I mean to tell you a lot all the time. But you look at me and you say it all and the words get caught in my throat because I don't just want to repeat everything but a simple “you, too” will never suffice. And I know you're scared for us but I promise no I swear that you will not lose me to anything unless you kick me out yourself. I don't plan on dying tonight.

I've always loved quotes about love. But my favorites, baby, they come from your eyes. They flicker from your ocean irises to my muddy ones and then glide through my ears like music. Nearly everything that goes through my ears feels like music these days, but nothing has such a ring to it as what I feel for you. And baby, you only had to push that doorbell so many times before I let you in. Two years and counting and man, nothing feels as good as seeing you walk to my front door.

I'd love to fly one day, but I am just as content on solid ground and you, my darling, are worth far more than Heaven.

I'm okay. (Well, I'm sort of, kind of, mostly okay but there's maybe, sort of, kind of something that's been eating away at me for the past few days. But, yeah, it's alright.) (Well, no, it's really not alright, but I don't want to discuss what's going on right now with someone who's so pleasant so I'll just let it slide. Don't worry about me.) (Well, you might want to worry about me a little bit but--actually, you really don't have to worry about me. I'm okay.)

There's always been a little part of me that wanted to be a lot more like you. But my torso is both cage-filled and caged in and I probably shouldn't compare the boxes we put around our limbs to hold ourselves to higher standards than we can manage, squeezing, and pinching at our own skin with sharper corners than we used to be able to imagine. The only difference between us is that your cardboard is stitched together with silver and mine with a thin piece of that cheap thread that can easily be pulled apart by the human hand. In other words: I envy your hope and strength and optimism (Even though you're also a pessimist, and no, I can't

When is it that we learn that the term gullible is not really on our ceiling? Is it when we learn that some people expect you to believe that if you hold your hand in front of your face, it should be roughly the same size? Or maybe when we are told that something is on our shirt, just below the collar? Or do we really have to wait until we realize that some people just lie?

I had hoped to write you a nice note today. Ha. Instead I tore the stupid thing to shreds with my foul language, cursing every name I wrote down in one way or another until I became a cup of riddles that even I can't solve. I've decided that I want every. single. one. of my problems to go away. But first I have to deal with hers. and hers. and theirs. And I know I dug myself this hole a long time ago but goddammit I am so ready to push everyone else out of it and bury myself.

I feel like a beaker full of water           tipping                          slowly off the very edge of the table top. One more shake and I     just.           might.                  t                     i                        p And then crash go out with a bang. And I'll be loud. And then I'll settle. softly. And eventually I’ll be swept up into a trash can marked "hazardous material" But only after I've been given enough time to burn some skin and frighten a few lab partners.

I've been getting better. But she she's been getting so much worse. I blame the alter ego. She blames me.